when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize