new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
