i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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