Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize