Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
