I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
