i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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