You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
