My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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