You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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