I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
