Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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