I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
