you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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