Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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