i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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