I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
