Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
