Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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