So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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