I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
