My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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