it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
