I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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