exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
