I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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