I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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