The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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