Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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