In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
