My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
