Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
