So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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