just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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