I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
