she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My life is pants optional.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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