Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
please come you make the beer taste better
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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