the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
