I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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