i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
