I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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