His hands were made for my vagina.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
