you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize