if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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