I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
