fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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