Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
