She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
