i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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