Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
