I bet he comes in French.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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