I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
