It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize