RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
