i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
