I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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