the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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