So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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