I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
