I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
