i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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