I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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