there's paper in my vomit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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