suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
