you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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