Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
