apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
