We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you inspire me to be a worse person
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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