You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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