wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
