Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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