Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
