he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Little spoons don't ask big questions
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
