that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
