There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
