Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
