I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I did not marry a roomba.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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