conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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